*** This review may contain spoilers ***
After a Criswell-like introduction (featuring “Dukey Flyswatter”/Michael D. Sonye, a vet of several notable 80s B movies), the action cuts to Arkham Hall Girls’ Dormitory, where some strange things are afoot. A sorority girl and her boyfriend are both killed by zombies; one of whom does a back flip for no apparent reason. Tiffany Shepis then puts in a cameo and manages to make it through a long lesbian scene without losing any of her clothing. I know, I’m as surprised as you are. She and her abusive boyfriend, as well as her friend Jane (Amanda Barnett), are killed by more zombies in a parking garage. After wasting about 15 minutes on basically nothing, the film finally gets to the meat of the story. Two best friends, the more straight-laced “geek” Allison Gellar (Adrianna Eder) and goth vegetarian Sarah Hannigan (Ciara Richards) want to do “something cool” so they go visit a cemetery to do some charcoal tracings of tombstones. Afterward, they encounter Southern fried campus bitch queen Clare Ryan (Jackie Hall), who looks and sounds like a less-talented version of Tara Reid. Yes, that IS possible. All three girls attend science class, where their hunky professor Dr. Xander (ugh, kill it with the “Buffy” references already…) talks about death and claims he has a vial of zombie blood he acquired on a trip to Haiti two years earlier. Clare observes in her monotone voice “Someone’s been watching too many crappy movies.” Tell me about it, sister. Double billing this flick with POT ZOMBIES tonight has almost turned ME into a zombie.